Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Little Boy Tadpoles

di8ozLgXT

Communicating with a daughter who is deaf can be particularly challenging, especially because my signing skills are not at her level I have always said, however, that I have enough signs for her to understand what I am saying.

For instance:
Marie loves camouflage shirts, pants and sweatshirts. One day she asked me why the clothing looked like leaves, and I told her it was made that way so people could hide in trees in the woods to shoot deer or other animals. As expected, her mouth opened wide and the surprise showed in her glinting blue eyes. SHOOT an animal? She would never do that! She thought for a minute and then told me she was going to say the leave shirt is for playing hide and seek in the woods and no one could find her. I tend to think they might be looking for her for a very long time…

Another time I had difficulty explaining things was when we were talking about sex. She wanted to know how women get pregnant. She knows about the mechanics of “sex”, (she was abused for years.) What she couldn’t understand was how the woman got pregnant. So, in my best non-professional way, (and I will skip over the highly graphic part) I told her that the male has tiny tadpoles which he shoots up to meet the females tiny eggs, then the two would get together and a baby would develop. Tiny tadpoles, huh? She looked at me quizzically. Tiny eggs? After a minute or two, she shrugged and accepted my explanation. However, when she was fishing recently in our backyard, she saw some tadpoles. And caught them. To give to a boy who might not have any…

To read about Marie’s traumatic early years with us, please purchase my book, The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids with Disabilities and Remaining Sane on Amazon.

A Joyful Heart

150626213815-rainbow-white-house-exlarge-169

One of my biggest faults is that I am apolitical. I tend to do my one little thing raising my kiddos, and consider that my contribution to the world. Whom I admire most are those who are activists, those who stand up for what they believe in and work diligently to make it happen, even if they have to work year after year after year. And so my hat is off to those who have worked so sincerely to legalize gay marriage. Congratulations! WHAT an accomplishment!

I assume that everyone knows someone who is gay. People who are gay are, and I say this jokingly, “just like us.” I understand that there are some religions who firmly believe that being gay is not appropriate. I admire truly religious people who do what they think is right, even if their position is different than mine. But I feel comfortable with my belief is that God is a loving Father/Mother; would that God not love all of his/her children equally regardless of class, race, gender or sexual orientation? And if one of Jesus’ disciples was gay, would He not have taught him, loved him and treated him no differently than the others?

I do understand Biblical references against people who are gay, but was the Bible not written within the times in which they lived? My opinion is that people who are gay should be given the same consideration as why we justify that slaves are no longer allowed and that women are no longer subservient, even though it is written so in the Bible.

Oh, dear…here I go being political. For this one little time. In celebration of the legal acceptance of all of God’s children. Thank you to those of you who worked so hard to make this happen!

Mothers, Help Your Sons Grow Up to be Fathers…

fathercolorlabeled_p

My oldest son, Francis, grew up amongst a caravan of foster brothers and sisters. Specializing in newborns and infants who had been affected by prenatal drug exposure and addiction, our family was usually comprised of my husband and myself, Francis, his sister, Dinora, who had been adopted from Guatemala, and one or two foster babies. Despite the fact that Francis is severely visually impaired, he played an active role in child care, frequently holding a little one, feeding a bottle and changing diapers. When going to the mall, he and his sister would proudly push the double stroller. (With the 2 of them, he could be a pusher without having to see where he was going…) Throughout his childhood, sixteen foster babies lived with us, and caring for them was just a fact of life.

Francis is now an adult with a Ph. D. from Cambridge, a well paying dream job, a wonderful wife and a cozy home complete with a grill for grilling steaks and a lawn to mow. And, as of three weeks ago, a newborn baby. My week spent with his little family renewed my faith in the power of what is learned in childhood. Without even knowing it, I had trained Francis how to be a good father! He bundles his little girl up in a baby blanket, like I had bundled up those babies who were going through withdrawal. Newborns like being in a tidy bundle because they arrive with strong startle reflexes and without much control of their arms and legs. By pulling her arms and legs in close and securely wrapping a blanket around her little body, baby India can feel safe and secure. When she is awake and alert, Francis rocks her and sings songs to her, songs that he heard me sing so many years ago: “Itsy Bitsy Spider”, “Hush Little Baby,” and “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round”. Even though she couldn’t possibly know the songs, the sound of his voice quiets her, and these songs are easy to sing. When he is expertly changing her diaper, he plays “This Little Piggy” with her toes, gently pulling her feet to his mouth to kiss. He exaggerates the “wee wee wee home” by tracing his finger from her toes to her chin, tickling her slightly before kissing her forehead. And while she sits in his arms on the couch, ready for bed, he reads her books with very large print; “Goodnight Moon”, and “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed”.

On the evening before I left to fly home, he looked over at me and thanked me for giving him the opportunity to practice on all those babies years ago. All of his friends are having babies now, he said, and they are all in a tizzy. Because of the practice HE had, he is a confident parent and not at all nervous with India. I realized that by being a foster parent to infants, I was not only caring for little ones, but also nurturing parenting skills in my oldest sons, skills that will ensure he will be an awesome father!

I have repeated this post from last year. His adorable baby is now a year old, and his father’s day skills have continued to flourish!

***********
If you are interested in reading other stories about Francis, please purchase my book on Amazon.

“If You Look for the Goodness in Your Children, Good Things Will Happen”

My dear friends and readers,

Please excuse this commercial interruption of your regular reading.

If you enjoy reading my blog, you will LOVE reading my book!


CoverEnTemp-1
The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane
Authored by Linda Petersen

(Review by Dawn Raffel from Readers Digest:)
Her story begins not with her children but with her own childhood spent traveling the country in the backseat of her parents’ car (her perpetually restless dad had post-traumatic stress disorder from WWII), often with very little money and few provisions. Where someone else might have seen deprivation and isolation, Petersen viewed her unusual childhood with a sense of wonder and gratitude. After marrying young and giving birth to a son who was legally blind (and who went on to earn a PhD on full scholarship), Petersen and her husband adopted four more special needs children and fostered many others. Each child has their own special story about overcoming tremendous physical and emotional difficulties in order to be able to succeed and enjoy life. Her honesty, wit, and terrific storytelling make this a book you want to read rather than one you feel you should read.

The link to the book:
https://www.createspace.com/5321986?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Thanks sooooo much! Happy reading!

With the Wind Just Flying Through My Hair

DIGITAL CAMERA

DIGITAL CAMERA

Like many of you when driving, my mind races with thoughts of things I have to do, problems to solve, errands to run, crisis to deal with and so forth. Yesterday was different. As I was driving on a back road to get to a client’s home, I found myself following a gentleman, (or gentlewoman as I couldn’t tell; the only clue being the gray hair on the back of his/her head.) Because it was an awesomely beautiful day after a horrendous winter of being snowbound, the top to the MG convertible was down, sunlight shining happily on the occupant. Looking at the car, I recognized it as similar to the one bought with my own money when I was a teenager. My pride and joy that was purchased with my dad, a gentleman who did not generally interact with people, including me. Buying that car bonded us in a way that still brings tears to my eyes. The fact that HE always wanted such a car and possibly was living vicariously through me didn’t dampen my extreme love for him, even when he borrowed it for a joyride himself.

I loved driving my little MG, especially with the top down, and joyful memories flooded back to me while following the car. That was a happy, carefree time in my life. Not that I have regrets about anything I have done since then, including dealing with five difficult children, but remembering being young and without worries induced a sense of euphoria. My current thoughts and worries disappeared, and I became one with that little car. Instead of a stranger driving it, I imagined it was me. My own windows were rolled down so the wind was flying through my hair. My radio was playing songs from the 70s, turned up very loud so it could be heard through the whoosh of the wind. I sang along to the songs, surprised the words came to me so easily. And I was innocently, thoroughly happy without a care in the world.

When the car turned off onto a dirt road, I wanted to scream “No! Stop! Let me follow you!” but of course I didn’t. Instead, the happiness of this memory was etched in my mind. It still gives me a warm glow when I think about it, and I am smiling as I type this.

My thought is; it is easy to get overwhelmed with every day problems and issues. Making time for ourselves may be almost impossible. Look for unexpected joys and happiness, a grandfather walking down the street holding onto a toddler’s hand, the sunlight streaking through the clouds, the flowers bright and blooming, or an old memory that strikes you at unexpected times and makes you smile. Sometimes we have to make our own happiness in unconventional ways, but we all need to have joy in our lives. You just have to look for it.

******

CoverEnTemp-1

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane
Authored by Linda Petersen
The link to the book:
https://www.createspace.com/5321986?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Got My Hand Caught in the Cookie Jar

56715772

As a busy mom, improvising is a way of life.

Have YOU ever used:

Aluminum foil as a scrubber when your cast iron pan is real dirty?

A hair dryer to warm the bent frame of your glasses so you can bend it back into position?

Butter to remove your wedding ring? OR to put on chapped lips?

A plastic fork to substitute for a hair pick?

Eyeliner as a pen?

Socks as mittens?

A bathing suit bottom to substitute for underwear?

52 pieces of paper, with appropriate hand drawn markings, to replicate a deck of cards?

Guilty of all of above. My biggest new “substitution” happened the other evening. Being on an everlasting diet, I try not to keep chocolate and candy in the house. After a hectic day, an overwhelming chocolate craving overcame me. Frantically searching the house for one last piece of Easter candy, (or even a Halloween candy that had fallen behind the seat cushions,) my search came up empty. Desperate, I expanded my search, standing on a kitchen chair to look high into the cupboards. AND THERE IT WAS!!!! Hiding behind the flour and the spices sat the jar hubby proudly used to make chocolate covered strawberries. CHOCOLATE!!!! So there I sat, on the kitchen floor, sticking my finger into the jar of chocolate and licking it off with great satisfaction. Sometimes, you just have to improvise!

Dad and Daughter shared Ice Cream

ice-cream-bowl-clipart-k14833923

My heart has been very heavy lately, which is a feeling that I am very unused to. The fact is, as my children age, some into young adulthood, their problems are more real life problems, not just a tantrum in the grocery store. 2 of my younger children, with as many good traits and skills that they do have, do not having the capacity to be fully self-sufficient as adults, including incapacity to maintain a paying job. Yes, SSI is a possibility when they are adults, but even that provides only poverty level income. They are my family and my financial responsibility, which necessitates looking at the ability of our extremely diminishing finances to care for them during their lifetimes.

Although hubby and I both work, often 6 days a week, and are considered solidly middle class, our bank account does not reflect this. Every time Marie has a PTSD episode, (every 6 weeks to 2 months,) the ambulance bill exceeds $1000, money that is not reimbursable. (She requires additional emergency personnel because restraining her safely requires at least six, strong professional emergency adults.) We have funded one college tuition, and are currently funding another at expensive colleges to best meet the special needs of my children, (for which they received no financial assistance because we are, after all, “middle class”…) In order to attempt to give them the best education to be able to succeed despite their disabilities, we subsequently have taken a large second mortgage on our home. And then a third… Hubby and I live “paycheck to paycheck”, as I am sure many parents of children with disabilities live.

But I digress…what I was saddest about is that Steven now has partial custody of a beautiful, vivacious daughter who is one year old. (Note to parents: make sure you talk OFTEN about birth control to your teenagers, especially your teenagers with disabilities…) He, and we, do not have any extra money to support her in the manner to which we are accustomed to supporting our children. With his Asperger’s (and extremely capable skills in caring for animals,) Steven is a doting dad. Not working, he has tons of time to spend with her and can generally be seen sitting on the floor of the living room playing with her interactively, rocking her for a nap, singing her nursery rhymes, or taking her in the large, fenced in back yard to swing and explore and play to her heart’s content. What he does not have is money to pay for her needs, and this breaks my heart. This morning, he asked if I have any “change” and if he can go look in the car if there are any quarters that have fallen behind the seat. At last count, he’d managed to scrape up $2.19.

Driving home today, I was stopped by the light near our house. On the corner is an ice cream stand where our family often used to take a walk for ice cream. The kiddos would giggle over whether they would get the chocolate jimmies or colored ones, (the sprinkles were free!) Today, I noticed the young man sitting on the picnic bench. Across from him was a stroller with a young girl in it. Both had tan skin and wild, curly black hair. Holding a small container of ice cream in his hand, he was using a spoon to feed her, laughing and playing the “airplane” game to put the ice cream in her mouth. She was giggling also, throwing her arms in the air as if to say “wheeeeeee!” after every spoonful. Steven exhibited pure happiness, that special kind of happiness a parent has for their child. They were joyful and the fact that she wore cheap diapers and wore hand me downs that didn’t always fit did not matter at all. Suddenly I felt a little bit better about not have any money, because Steven taught me today that money does not makes life purposeful, but it is love, which is free. Life is good!

******

CoverEnTemp-1

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane
Authored by Linda Petersen
The link to the book:
https://www.createspace.com/5321986?ref=1147694&utm_id=6026

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 11,930 other followers