humor | Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

I Ate From All the Major Food Groups at the Buffet…the DESSERT Buffet…

Before you “yell” at me, let me explain; my husband and I went to a buffet the other night and there was a long line for the regular buffet. I was really hungry, AND I have been on a diet for YEARS, AND it was my birthday, AND did I mention I was very hungry? As he grabbed a plate to wait in the loooooooooooong regular buffet line, I snuck over to the dessert buffet, perchance to find something healthy I could eat in lieu of waiting in the regular buffet line. Lo and behold, I found desserts containing all of the major food groups:

For protein, the custard and pecan pie (eggs and nuts) fit the bill.

The bread pudding counted as a grain.

For fruit, the strawberries with whipped cream and the blueberry cheesecake offered a sufficient amount of fruit, with the whipped cream and cheesecake also fulfilling the dairy requirement.

I had a little more trouble finding two servings of vegetables, but I solved that by choosing two pieces of carrot cake. (A person’s got to do what a person’s got to do…)

I lined all of the pastries expertly up my arm and 3 fanned out in my hand like a diner waitress. (Waitressing is a skill one never loses…) I easily carried my little treasures back to the table, and chowed down. Mmmmmmm……..I hadn’t had desserts in so long it was SUCH a treat! I savored each morsel, smiling on the inside as well as the outside. I had managed to finish them all, had the waiter clear the table, and ordered a cup of tea before my husband came back from the regular buffet. He was fuming at the long wait, and indicated there was a meat slicer who was obviously new. She took F O R E V E R to slice the prime rib and turkey and strategically place each piece daintily on each person’s plate. As he sat down, he looked at me, smiling, drinking my cup of tea. He asked “Aren’t you eating?” To which I replied, “I’m just sitting here enjoying my tea. I think I will join you when you go up for dessert…”

*************

PS. I would love to come and speak for your group or at your conference. I would do it for free, but would need the price of travel. For functions in the North East, that would be only gas money.

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

Children, family, humor, kids, life, news, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Have You Ever Run out of Clean Underwear?

My husband and I took a little “romantic trip for two” last weekend, so I did not get my usual laundry done. This week, being school vacation, saw me working 60 hours coordinating an educational and recreational program for children with disabilities. It was an awesome, fun week, and the kiddos were a joy! However, by the time I dragged myself into the house in the early evening, I had no energy to do any type of cooking/cleaning/thinking/talking or moving. The only movement I could muster up was my index finger on the TV remote…

Getting dressed this morning, there was not a piece of clean underwear to be found. Not in my underwear drawer, in the dryer, under the bed, on the floor of the bathroom, in the puppies bed, or in the refrigerator. (You never know…) What was I to do? It briefly crossed my mind to not wear any, but that idea was quickly tossed aside. In “my” generation, we just didn’t DO that. So, I dug up the only pair of underwear left…the unworn g-string bikini bottom to a baby doll negligee I had brought on our romantic weekend. (I always optimistically pack several “outfits”…) Slipping the bikini on, it was immediately apparent that it were not going to adequately cover all of my “private areas”, but it was either that pair or nothing, and nothing was not an option. The thought of getting into an accident and having the paramedics see a woman my age wearing a g-string bikini did seem horrifying, so I promised myself I would drive very carefully and walk very slowly all day so as not to get into an accident or trip and fall…

Finding a bra was almost as difficult, but in the back corner of the drawer was one bra that had eluded trash day. The straps were so old and loose that it did not properly support my breasts in the manner to which they are accustomed. Other than going braless, which would surely have traumatized a few people, I put on the saggy resemblance of a bra. To say that my breasts came within inches of my waistline is not an exaggeration. But it was better than down to my knees…

Finding a shirt was almost as difficult, but way in the back of my closet was a “beautifully” flowered shirt that I used to wear when I was two sizes larger. For some reason I’d always loved that shirt because it was “comfy”, so on it went. At least with all of the bold flowers, my sagging breasts were not so apparent.

For pants, I wore the same pair of jeans I had worn earlier in the week. Jeans seem to be the one item that do not have to be washed every time they are worn. Of course, when you wear them a little more than you should, they DO get baggy in all the wrong places, which resulted in a bigger rear end than I would normally sport. Fortunately, the flowered shirt was so large that it completely covered this area anyway.

The biggest challenge, even when I DO the laundry, was finding a pair of matching socks. I looked ALL OVER….and I was thrilled when I finally found a pair of matching red and white striped socks. Of course, the stripes were on candy canes, and big red Santas graced the top band of the socks, but at least they matched!

My Dansko shoes, (the only type I can wear comfortably,) were on the porch where I had taken them off. Unfortunately, Jody, our new puppy, had decided they made great chew toys, and she had chewed the decorative leather band around the top of them. Fortunately, she had chewed them both equally so they at least matched…

I quickly tried to fix my unruly hair, which can usually be coaxed into a semblance of curls and puffiness. Not today. Today it refused to be tamed. My hair is longer than usual because there has been no time to get a haircut, so it is super fluffy and frizzy, and standing on end all around my head like a wild lion mane. Better than that….like Phil Spector…

Looking in the mirror, I assessed my appearance. Hair unruly enough to scare Frankenstein. Saggy breasts under a garden explosion of a shirt that was so large my daughter could have fit in it with me. Saggy jeans, which are somewhat of a relief because they do not fit tightly enough to force the bikini bottom to slide up into my butt. Shoes missing the decorative strap, but otherwise presentable. And white and red striped socks…not too bad if you don’t look at the top of them. I was “passable” as long as I stood up all day lest people see the Santas on the top of my socks. Then I would look REALLY ridicules….

*********

PS. I have recently been honored with a special award from http://lyricsonthelake.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/because-why-not/:

************************

I would love to come and speak for your group or at your conference. I would do it for free, but would need the price of travel. For functions in the North East, that would be only gas money. I do promise to dress properly…

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

adoption, Children, dirty laundry, disabled, family, foster care, happy, humor, joy, kids, life, mom, mother, parenting, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Sanitizer, Angry Birds, Locked Doors and Singing Toilets…What Do These Things Have in Common?

What do these things have in common? They are “tools of the trade” for my daughter, the mother of a delightful two and a half year old!

Things have greatly changed since my children were toddlers. I am fortunate I never had to carry babies around in those heavy seats. I would not have been able to have more than one baby at a time, and I am sure I would carry it with 2 arms wrapped around it lest I drop it. For the child’s own safety due to my clumsiness, I probably would have stayed home all the time! Our car seats stayed in the car and the babies and toddlers went straight into the umbrella stroller when we were out. It was easy. They could see the world, and my hands were free. Using the stroller also had the wonderful advantage in that when clothes shopping, they could be hung on the back of the stroller. I had to be careful on clearance day, though, lest the weight of the clothing supersede the weight of the particular child in the stroller. While I did misjudge several times, the stroller and the child would just fall back onto a nice, soft pile of clothing. I have such empathy for parents lugging the infant in the infant seat. They look sooooooo heavy!

My daughter, Dinora, has child proof locks on her cupboard doors. What a great idea!!! I used to keep the poisonous soaps, sprays and cleaners on top of my refrigerator. They were safe there, at least until Steven began to climb like a monkey! Whoever thought of the lock on the cupboard doors was a genius! Unfortunately, I am not genius level. When I babysit for my grandson, I cannot figure out how to open the darn locks! It appears that you have to use 2 hands to do so and my hands do not cooperate with each other. During my futile attempts, my grandson stands there crying for his macaroni and cheese for supper, and I can’t get in the cupboard to get the box! Those locks are childproof and grandmother proof! He doesn’t really mind, though, as he much prefers the pizza I order instead.

The other amazing “new invention” is a toilet that makes music when you pee in it! (I am, of course, talking about a toddler potty.) What a wonderful motivator for toilet training! It is certainly be healthier than the M&Ms I used to give, and everyone within earshot can hear the delightful music and cheer the performer on! The only downside leads to my next observation about toddlers these days; my daughter will need to get a different potty if her next child is a girl, who wouldn’t dream of peeing in a Superman potty. With parents knowing before hand if they are having a boy or a girl, baby items now seem to be all girly or all masculine, with little in between, unlike in “my days” when babies wore a lot of green or yellow which would suffice for either. I have never seen so many princesses and action heroes in my life! So much for sexism, I guess…

Imagine my surprise when my grandson climbed in my lap carrying an IPad and started to play a game of Angry Birds. At TWO and a HALF years old he was independently using a computer! But ANGRY BIRDS?He was lopping these little birds through the air to their deaths, feathers flying everywhere. And giggling! This must be the training game for all of the fighting and war games that will come when he is older.

A final reminder of how much things have changed happened when Dinora, my grandson and I went out to eat breakfast in a restaurant. While he played with child aps on the IPad, we had a lovely adult conversation with fussy interruptions. (There were times when raising young ones that I would have died just to be able to drink a hot cup of tea without an interruption.) At the completion of this wonderfully enjoyable meal, my grandson, whose speech is somewhat delayed, managed to ask his mom for some “sanitizer”. I almost flew off my chair! SANITIZER? What a word for a 2 year old! He dutifully put out his hands and she dutifully squirted the sanitizer, a beautiful fragrance of lilacs and honey. (Who comes UP with these combinations?)

Things are certainly different these days, with computer aps for toddlers, musical potties, disposable training pants and bibs, sippy cups in all shapes and sizes, locked cupboard doors, and super hero and princess everything (sheets, toys, cups, dishes, silverware, hairbrushes, toothbrushes, shirts, pants, socks, shoes…you get the idea.) With the exception of having to tote an infant around in a car seat instead of in an umbrella stroller, these days of raising children seem like a lot of fun! (Maybe it’s time for me to foster a few more…)

My husband must be a mind reader. I just heard him faint…

********

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

adoption, Children, humor, kids, life, parenting

Tagged with:

I Won’t Wear That to Church Anymore

I’m just returning from church. I go to an inspiring, welcoming church, which I love! Everyone is friendly, and we make a special effort to include people with disabilities. We have pew cut-outs throughout the church for people in wheelchairs. (After all, just because you are in a wheelchair does not mean you want to be relegated to the back row, or, even WORSE, the front row.) We have a sign language interpreter and large print materials for the church service. If a person who is totally blind attended, we would no doubt get the materials in Braille. People with developmental disabilities, as well as people with mental illnesses are welcomed with open arms. Having the children I do, it has been a God send (literally) for our family.

The congregation members help out during the service in many roles, and today I was helping to serve the Wine. The people serving communion stand on a step while serving the bread and wine. Learning from an earlier experience when I fell while trying to get a group together for a photo, I always firmly grip the hand rail while walking down the few steps. (Falling while taking a picture is understandable, but more care needs to be taken with the wine. I am sure it would stain the carpet terribly!) When offering the wine to the congregation members, I frequently have to bend over because I am tall and on a step, and they are often shorter. Today, after I bent over the first time, I noticed that my shirt parted from my body in the front, and everyone had a clear view down to my belly button. (Well, they COULD have seen my belly button if my big breasts had not gotten in the way.) I was mortified! While I do not embarrass easily, once I notice something askew, of course I have to fix it. So, I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances; I squatted for each person. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to hold a squat at one particular level and then move that squat up or down depending upon who was next? If I were athletic, it may have been easy. But I’m not… I felt like one of those baby crib toys, all scrunched up (squatting low) and then being pulled straight, (standing tall) and while music plays it slowly moves up to the low squat again.That’s the way I was today; up and down and up and down all to the beat of the choir’s music.

I will never wear that shirt to church again…

********

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

adoption, autism, blind, church, deaf, DID, disability, humor, humorous, kids, mental health, mentally ill, parenting, spiritual

Tagged with:

“Look Mom, no trees!”

My son Francis is amazing! Although legally blind, he has led an incredibly successful life. I think one of the reasons he has done so well is because he was raised without having a disability. If that sounds odd, you have to define disability as not having the ability to do what one wants in order to lead a full and happy life. With proper modifications and technology, Francis has never been held back in any area of life.

Of course, we have chosen achievable goals when he was growing up. One of the many topics we tackled was how to fit sports into his life. Of course he could not play baseball or soccer, but he could be on the wrestling team and swim team. (He excelled and won championships in both areas.) The one sport that I worried about was his skiing. He learned at an early age to traverse the White Mountains in New Hampshire with a sighted guide skiing in front of him, usually his dad. This petrified me because I was afraid he was going to ski into a tree and die. The fact that he is still alive and kicking today is proof that he didn’t, but that did not lessen my motherly concerns.

When Francis went to college at Cambridge in England, he had the good fortune to make many friends with whom he could travel all over Europe. One day, I received a photo via e-mail, accompanied by the comment “Look, mom, no trees!” The photo was one of Francis in ski gear, standing at the top of a ski run in the Alps. The sun reflecting off his dark goggles was no match for the shining smile on his face. There were no trees to ski into because they were above the tree line. He was safe! And, most importantly for a mom, he cared enough to send me a picture to SHOW me that he was safe. The little cockles of my heart warmed at the thought…what a considerate son!

It wasn’t until a few months later that I saw the news of a large avalanche in that same area and three people were presumed dead. DEAD? I immediately remembered that beautiful picture of my thoughtful son, and I laughed. (Yes, I laughed.) That picture shows that my son does not have a disability because he had the same chance of dying as the skiers buried in the snow. He is truly successful!

*******

Links to my book:

itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

Alps, blind, Children, disability, family, happy, humor, inspirational, kids, life, mother, news, parenting, skiing, sports

Tagged with:

I have to laugh at myself…

I do no take much about myself seriously. At an early age I had to learn not to care what other people think. My dad, very frugal, used to insist he give me a haircut with clippers. It was during the popularity of Mia Farrow’s short cut, so I wasn’t a real outcast because of it…except for the time when he slipped and I had a bald spot on the back of my head. (Everyone was sympathetic because they thought I had had brain surgery…) Also, during the times of my dad’s schizophrenic episodes, he made sure to let me know that I was ugly. Being young at the time, I believed him, of course. However, I sincerely thought, and still think, that beauty on the outside does not matter, beauty on the inside does.

In order to “remain sane”, I do not get easily embarrassed and I have learned to laugh at myself.

For example, the other day driving near our house, I saw my husband’s work van. Pulling up beside him at a traffic light, I excitedly began to wave and blow kisses. Until, upon further examination, I noticed that it was not my husband driving, but some other electrician with an identical white van, same ladders on top and roles of wire in the back. (Go figure there would be another white work van like my husband’s. They are so RARE!) Anyway, the driver looked at me like I was crazy, and I started laughing. It was SO funny! In between giggles, I mouthed the words “sorry, wrong van!” and I took off so fast when the light turned green that I could have been a contender in a NASCAR race.

At our church picnic last summer, I was organizing the photo of all of the church members. About 100 people were lined up with a few stragglers. While walking backwards to the camera, I was giving directions for people to move in closer together. (We all know how easy it is to get a picture of such a large group, with everyone smiling nicely and looking at the camera.) All of a sudden, I tripped over my own two feet and fell on my back, arms and legs in the air. Several people commented that I looked like a turtle on its back. Of course, I laughed at myself. Clumsiness is a trait of mine. So what? Afterwards, several people came up to me and commented on how embarrassed I must have been. Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed? I thought it was funny! (If you picture it in your head, you HAVE to laugh…)

The huge white van I drive is so tall that I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat. I usually do so by grabbing onto the side of the driver’s seat, hold on for dear life, and alternately pull and wiggle up into the seat. Sometimes I slip, and once I even fell to the ground with a thud. (Maybe the thud was in my head…because I doubt the ground actually moved…) My husband and sons always laugh at me when I get into the van, and I laugh with them. What else am I going to do? Well, I COULD have ridden up on the wheelchair lift on the side of the van, but that wouldn’t be as much of a challenge.

Then there is the story about what happened last week when I met a good friend who is blind for lunch. I admit I am quite lazy in the morning, (often reading blogs, of ALL things,) and I did not have time to put on any make-up. As is usually the case, I put it on in the car when I stopped at read lights. Because I keep one eye on the light and the other on the mirror, I do one eye at the time; eye shadow and mascara. It makes a dramatic difference as my eyes are usually kind of squinty and tiny and tired looking. I often look in the mirror with one eye done and think I look like a “before” and “after” picture on aging, all on the same face. Anyway, on this particular morning, I was lucky and got mostly green traffic lights. When I arrived at the restaurant, I excitedly jumped out of the van and ran to meet my friend. (Getting out for breakfast with a friend is a rarity for me.) Just as I got inside the restaurant and said hi to my friend, I remembered I only had enough red lights to put make-up on one eye. ”Oh, well” I thought, “there is nothing I can do about it now as my make-up bag in the car and I am way too lazy to go back and get it.” I figured that, being blind, my friend wouldn’t care. And when I sat in the booth, I made sure to put my “good eye” on the side the waitress was. I figured it I always looked ahead, she wouldn’t notice either! I had a wonderful breakfast and, with a little laugh to myself, I never thought about it again, (until later in the car when I stopped at the next red light and finished the job!)

The moral of my story is…be comfortable with yourself and don’t care what other people think. Life is too short to spend it worrying or bothered by what you may perceive others think of you. Sometimes what you think they may think may not be what they think at all! And if they ARE thinking it, have the confidence to laugh it off!

******

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

breakfast, Children, church, family, friends, funny, happy, humor, kids, life, news, parenting, turtle, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

All on Equal Grounds

I received a wonderfully insightful comment from nancyaruegg.com at “From the Inside Out”that I would like to share:

“Your attitude about your life-calling is an inspiration in itself. You don’t consider yourself a martyr. Instead, you see your background as preparation for what God has called you to do, and you take pleasure in the fulfillment it provides. No accolades necessary. My takeaway: Each of us has been formed and prepared by God for a unique purpose. We can each embrace our own. Thank you for your inspiration!”

To which I responded:

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You have great insight into the way I feel. I really love raising my kiddos, and I think I am pretty good at it. However, I am no more remarkable at it than the friendly waitress who served us, carrying that huge tray of food without spilling a drop, pre-eminently bringing us extra napkins and salad dressing on the side, pleasantly refilling my glass of Diet Coke ten times, and splitting our dessert on two different plates each filled with its own whipped cream.

No more remarkable than the teachers who teach my children with great compassion and understanding, imparting educational wisdom on them even though I can’t get them to make their beds.

No more remarkable than the truck driver who hauls the oranges up here from Florida, going for days without seeing his family, stopping to take cat naps at the rest stops; I would have gone bonkers with loneliness after the first half hour, would have had to stop every 50 miles to pee, and would have fallen asleep at the wheel after three hours.

No more remarkable than the individual with a developmental disability who works as a bagger at the grocery store, who carefully puts the heavy items on the bottom of the bag where I would have thrown the cans of tomatoes right on top of the bread and the carton of eggs in upside down.

No more remarkable than the dental hygienist who cleans my teeth while I whine like a baby, offering calming words and a smile I can see by the crinkling of her eyes, because her mouth is covered in a mask, (or is she really laughing at me?)

No more remarkable than the computer designer who works magic in the computer world, enabling me to play games, use e-mail, research projects, make the print larger, (for my older eyes which refuse to accept glasses,) and BLOG!

No more remarkable than the pastor who preaches, imparting words of wisdom and hope to his congregation, of which I am a humble part.

No more remarkable than the bus driver for public transportation, who cheerfully stops to pick up strangers, dropping them safely at their destinations, (when I would have surely clipped a few mailboxes, and maybe a few pedestrians, and I sure would have shut the automatic door too quickly on someone’s butt.)

Yes, the waitress, the teacher, the truck driver, the grocery bagger, the dental hygienist, the computer designer, the pastor, the bus driver and any other profession where you know someone loves his/her job, we all have one thing in common; we are good at our chosen jobs. No accolades necessary, success is the feeling of a job well done.

This is the life we choose to lead, all on equal grounds.

******************

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book: http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

Category:

disabled, funny, helping others, humor, humorous, life, news, nice, optimistic, overcoming, positive thinking, psychology, special education, stress, volunteer

Tagged with:

The Dance of the Snake Goddesses

Forgive me for re-posting this from a few years ago, but I thought you might enjoy it as it is a New Year’s Eve story…

photo from Ophidiophobia – Fear of Snakes (Picture by Dev Khalsa) honorslounge.com

A very conservative lawyer friend had a very conservative lawyer wife who had taken up belly dancing. She and 2 friends were so skilled in this talent that they were chosen to be performers for a large audience for First Night, the annual New Year’s Eve celebration in the city. For an added “twist” to their act, my lawyer friend asked if his wife could borrow one of my son’s 5 foot long boa constrictors for their dance. I had plenty of reservations, but I said okay. (It is always good to keep a lawyer friend happy because you never know when you will need a lawyer’s help.) The ladies came to our house, and practiced with the snake while my son, Steven, who is very familiar with snakes, supervised. The practice went very well, and the ladies excitedly decided to bill their act as the “The Dance of the Snake Goddesses.”

Well, New Year’s Eve came and I reminded Steven that we had to take the snake to the performance hall for the act. Steven, who has Asperger’s and an anxiety disorder, was mortified! There was no way HE was going to go to a large hall where there were a lot of people! He handed me a pillowcase to put the snake in, and a bottle of alcohol “in case it bit someone”. He promptly took off on his bike peddling away to destinations unknown to me, (but far away from First Night appearance.) I started to panic! These excited dancers were billed as the “The Dance of the Snake Goddesses” and they would have no snake! Feeling extremely obligated to provide them with a snake, I decided to bring the it myself. I had not minded the snakes when they were locked in the glass tanks, but somehow I was going to have to get up the nerve to actually take the snake out and put it in the pillowcase. My hands were shaking as I undid the lock and took the cover off of the tank. It looked docile enough, just lying there. I reached in and managed to push it into the pillowcase using a long sleeved pot holder, proud of myself for not having to touch it. Maybe I’d be okay! I tentatively carried the pillowcase to the living room, but I had miscalculated by not securing the top of it. The snake’s head popped out, I pushed it back down. It popped out again, and I pushed it down again. This time it was stronger and its head came our farther. When I tried to push it back in, it wiggle away from me and the whole snake came slithering out of the bag, which I promptly dropped. There, on the floor of our living room, was a slithering 5 foot long snake! I screamed. My husband came to see what was going on, and he jumped up on the couch and screamed. Even though I was shaking and my first instinct was to smash the thing over the head with a broom, I remembered my commitment to our lawyer friends. I gathered up my courage and, using the broom gently, I nudged it back into the pillowcase, this time immediately tying the top into a knot.

I was still shaking from this experience as I drove to the city with the wriggling pillowcase on the seat next to me. I was feeling tremendous relief that I had at least caught it and was on my way to the performance. I even felt a little sorry for it, and turned the heat all the way up in my car so it could be warm. (It had started to snow outside, which would mean there would be a larger than usual audience for an inside performance as the outside First Night performances would involved standing around in wet snow. Great! A bigger audience for what was sure to be a Snake Goddess fiasco!)

When we got near the theater, I put the pillowcase inside my coat to keep it warm. (MY I was brave!) There was a line around the building waiting to see the performance. I went to the head of the line, and quietly said to the guard at the door, “I have the snake for the performance.” In his loudest voice, he parted the crowd by saying “Make way for the snake handler. Make way for the snake handler!” I wanted to hide! As a 55 year old shaking, nervous, dowdy woman, I no more resembled a snake handler than a chipmunk would resemble Santa Clause.

I managed to get back stage with the snake and the belly dancers were very excited. They carefully took him (her? I couldn’t tell the difference,) out of the bag and began to practice. By now I was shaking so badly that my stomach was in knots. I was holding the bottle of alcohol (“in case it bit someone”.) I was on the verge of tears, both from relief that I’d delivered the snake in one piece, but also fear that it would bite and there would be blood and screams and lawsuits.

The audience in the large theater was packed, standing room only. The music for the dancers began. They dramatically began the act hidden behind veils, with the snake on one woman with the head at one hand, draped across her back, and the tail on the other hand. They did a dramatic dance, dropping the veils at different intervals for the audience to get a glimpse of the snake. I could hear “ooooh” and “aaaaaah” from the audience. I was hoping the snake wasn’t going to slither down and into the audience causing mass panic, emptying the audience out into the street, or, worse yet, go around biting audience members with me following along with my bottle of alcohol. (Then I’d really need a lawyer for the lawsuits!)

Then something strange happened. The dancers dropped their veils, and the snake actually seemed to join in the dance. Soon its head was wriggling in time to the music, its tail was swaying around, and it seemed to be having a grand old time! It began to slither in time to the music (a pure coincidence I’m sure,) from one dancer to the next. It was an amazing sight, the graceful gyrating dancers and the graceful gyrating snake, all moving in time to the music. Mesmerizing. Amazing. The act finished to a standing ovation, and darn it if it didn’t seem as though the snake bowed his head in response to the clapping from the audience.

After the show, the dancers gave the snake a few affectionate pats and back into the pillowcase it went. I tied it in a knot, put it under my coat, and carried it back to the car. I felt as though I was going to cry, but this time it was tears of relief. I don’t know how I get myself into these situations, but, again, I’d come through it unscathed, with a little more respect for the reptile in the pillowcase next to me!

Thanks for reading. If you want to read more here is the link to my book:The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Category:

Aspergers, autistic, Children, children with disabilities, disability, disabled, family, humor, inspirational, kids, life, news, snakes

Tagged with:

Beyond One’s Own Problems

I work with a social/educational/recreational group for teens with disabilities. When first getting this group together at the beginning of the school year, I asked them what they wanted to do as part of our program. Every single one of them said they wanted to “help other people”. Here are students with a variety of disabilities and medical needs, and they wanted to help others! They were mature enough to look beyond their own problems to the problems of others.

Various suggestions were tossed about; opening a soup kitchen, visiting with the elderly in nursing homes, working at the local pet shelter, and so forth. I suggested the easiest thing to do would be something we could do as a group within our program. They chose making sandwiches for the homeless.

Every other Saturday we meet. Yesterday we had some social skills activities, some recreation, (does anyone remember the game Simon?), and then they all baked cookies and made sandwiches. As they were working, they chatted happily, teen music playing in the background. When one song came on, they all broke out into what I call “dancing like you are riding a horse”. (I am sure all teens will know what I am talking about, even if parents don’t.) As soon as the song stopped, they all went back to their sandwich making. It was hilarious!

They worked as a team and made 165 sandwiches and twelve dozen cookies. As they worked, they talked about who might get to eat them, what kind of bad luck may have fallen upon that person and so forth. They talked with much empathy, and not once during their conversation did they mention their own problems. They were caring about the problems of others.

After the sandwiches were made, I drove up to Traveler’s Aid, a local spot where the homeless hang out. The kids got out of the car to bring the sandwiches and cookies in. They helped each other. One girl in a wheelchair held a box of sandwiches on her lap while a girl who is blind held onto the wheelchair as her sighted guide. (Instead of a using a guide dog, she was using a guide wheelchair!) I stood back as they went into the building and delivered the goods. They were so proud. The large group of people milling about parted like the Red Sea, and left them easy access to the front desk where they would be dropping the food off. They walked and wheeled to the front desk which, fortunately, was wheelchair accessible. The crowd murmured appreciatively, politely, thankfully. The kids faces beamed as they turned around and came back to the van. They were no longer disabled, but capable of helping others. Suddenly, their problems were not as bad as the people who thanked them; people without shelter and food.

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Category:

Children, children with disabilities, disability, disabled, humor, kids, life, news

Tagged with:

I Will Try not to Cheat at Bingo in 2013

I have several New Year’s Resolutions:

I will try not to cheat calling Bingo anymore. When I take groups of either adults with disabilities or children with disabilities on bus trips, a favorite game to play on the bus is Bingo. While riding on the bus, I often drop a Bingo ball or two and I do not bother to pick it up, (I easily get motion sickness.) So, I will call the games missing that number but not tell anyone. I figure everyone has the same odds of having that number on their card, so it is equally fair for all of them. To avoid this problem in the future, I am going to get Bingo cards, (like playing cards,) which many nursing homes use. I will try not to drop any cards….

I will try to keep my house cleaner. My house is generally “picked up”, but I wouldn’t call it clean. There are sometimes little cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling and little mouse droppings on the floor. (Ha! Ha! That part isn’t true…just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

I will try to watch more educational shows and less reality shows, (however I get to keep Survivor and Amazing Race.) Although, I must say, that watching some reality shows makes me think my family is “normal”.

According to my son, Angel, I need to stop trying to fit my large, large van into tiny, tiny spots. It looks kind of funny when we have to all crawl out the back door, (because we are so close to the next car we cannot open the doors.) We have to jump to the ground because it is so high. Looks like the joke car where the clowns keep coming and coming and coming… Ah….I guess I’ll try to give up such fun for the upcoming year…

My children and I will eat more vegetables. I saw a book about hiding vegetables in other food items, such as spaghetti sauce. I wonder,however,how much spinach you can actually hide in there before it turns green?

I would love to do more public speaking this year. I spoke at several regional and state conferences last year and I loved it! If you are a parent, you know that you love to talk about your children and have people listen. Public speaking multiplies that 100 fold. (I do have to a speak from behind a podium, however, because I have to cross my legs when I laugh so I don’t pee. And I laugh quite a bit!)

Although I CAN cook, I don’t because my husband loves to. I once made tuna noodle casserole and my children couldn’t believe it because they had never seen me cook. I vow to cook at least one vegetable laden meal a week when my husband is working late. No more take-out pizza for us!

My annual resolution, which has worked well for me, is to love and support my family unconditionally, and to be kind and caring to others.

Happy New Year everyone! May your life be filled with as much happiness as mine!

Category:

Children, disability, disabled, family, humor, kids, life, news, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

I Ate From All the Major Food Groups at the Buffet…the DESSERT Buffet…

Have You Ever Run out of Clean Underwear?

Sanitizer, Angry Birds, Locked Doors and Singing Toilets…What Do These Things Have in Common?

I Won’t Wear That to Church Anymore

“Look Mom, no trees!”

I have to laugh at myself…

All on Equal Grounds

The Dance of the Snake Goddesses

Beyond One’s Own Problems

I Will Try not to Cheat at Bingo in 2013

Email Subscription

Feeds

Pages

Recent Posts

Archives

Categories

Follow “Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog”

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Email Subscription

Feeds

Pages

Recent Posts

Archives

Categories

Tag Cloud

Follow “Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog”