I’m just returning from church.  I go to an inspiring, welcoming church, which I love!  Everyone is friendly, and we make a special effort to include people with disabilities.  We have pew cut-outs throughout the church for people in wheelchairs.  (After all, just because you are in a wheelchair does not mean you want to be relegated to the back row, or, even WORSE, the front row.)  We have a sign language interpreter and large print materials for the church service.  If a person who is totally blind attended, we would no doubt get the materials in Braille.  People with developmental disabilities, as well as people with mental illnesses are welcomed with open arms.  Having the children I do, it has been a God send (literally) for our family.

The congregation members help out during the service in many roles, and today I was helping to serve the Wine.  The people serving communion stand on a step while serving the bread and wine.  Learning from an earlier experience when I fell while trying to get a group together for a photo, I always firmly grip the hand rail while walking down the few steps. (Falling while taking a picture is understandable, but more care needs to be taken with the wine. I am sure it would stain the carpet terribly!) When offering the wine to the congregation members, I frequently have to bend over because I am tall and on a step, and they are often shorter.  Today, after I bent over the first time, I noticed that my shirt parted from my body in the front, and everyone had a clear view down to my belly button. (Well, they COULD have seen my belly button if my big breasts had not gotten in the way.)  I was mortified!  While I do not embarrass easily, once I notice something askew, of course I have to fix it.  So, I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances; I squatted for each person.  Do you know how incredibly hard it is to hold a squat at one particular level and then move that squat up or down depending upon who was next?  If I were athletic, it may have been easy.  But I’m not…    I felt like one of those baby crib toys, all scrunched up (squatting low) and then being pulled straight, (standing tall) and while music plays it slowly moves up to the low squat again.That’s the way I was today; up and down and up and down all to the beat of the choir’s music.

I will never wear that shirt to church again…

********

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book:  http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

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Comments on: "I Won’t Wear That to Church Anymore" (185)

  1. This made me laugh. But I wasn’t laughing at you. Just remembering wearing something that looked great in the mirror but not so much leaning over or standing too close to someone taller (and EVERYONE is taller!). Live and learn. And always laugh!

  2. That was good how you improvised and got exercise at the same time.

  3. your story telling is fun to read. that’s happened to me too! thanks for the morning lift!

  4. The congregation who caught an unexpected peek of your cleavage before you adopted the squat procedure were no doubt left reflecting on the truth of Job 1:21 . . .

    the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away

    😆

  5. We’ve all been there. Good for you finding a solution and making the resolution! Lol

  6. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez said:

    I love your church. :^)

  7. What a great workout!

  8. Ahhh I get you. I often wear an extra thing around my neck, seeing as most everyone is tall enough to look down and look in… =P

  9. Hilarious! I’ve been there, as a former church secretary, wearing the exact wrong blouse while sitting at a desk below the people I was serving! I comment your creativity in the up and down bob!

  10. At least you realized it early on………and I bet you got a good workout for your legs!

  11. suehillbeck said:

    Your church sounds wonderful

  12. Cleavage at church. Now that might get me going more often.

  13. How funny…sorry you were embarrassed -it happens to all of us. I wonder if anyone from your church is blogging right now about the cleavage, squatting wine lady? 😉

  14. I think being a part of Communion in any capacity is stressful. I am always convinced I am going to drop it or spill it or something. And then to have to worry about flashing people on top of it? Yikes. We even had an embarrassing moment when my family had to bring up the Communion to the priest. Needless to say, I am pretty happy just being a pew warmer 🙂

  15. That is a great communion story. I’m a pastor and have my own share of interesting moments when offering the elements. Yes, I too, have given my thighs quite a workout on occasion. Blessings to you.

  16. a lesson you will probably remember tomorrow too 🙂

  17. Oh My Gosh! I guess I would’ve been mortified too!!(lol) except I never have to worry because I haven’t anything to see but the bellyfat where the belly button is hidden!!! Lol.. Also. Thank you for visiting my blog : “Tears of Truth” (Suzydukettes.wordpress.com)

  18. Oh my, too funny. I remember when I was nursing my babies. Trying to nurse them quickly between Sunday School and church often led to wardrobe mishaps. Church should be a safe place to be awkward.

  19. God has a sense of humor!

  20. Aw you poor thing lol! Us well endowed or curvy women can’t win can we? I never can wear button downs either:( thnx for being honest; I want to learn to laugh at myself!

  21. Ha! I love it! Wish I could say I’ve never run into that problem at church either…

  22. Oh no. that’s really hard.

    I had a similar situation but luckily I was at home and the only male in the room was my husband.

    We have 2 new puppies and I picked one up for a cuddle and then proceeded to do the washing up. When I felt my shirt, I realized the puppy had kicked the buttons open. Here I was washing up, with all the buttons undone on my shirt.

    lol Maria Chapman bubbygirl1972@gmail.com

    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

  23. Living An Intentional Life said:

    This was such a fun post to read! I am so sorry you were embarrassed but at least you were able to remedy it with some quick thinking!

  24. you may need a nice hot bath – with some epsom salts, a candle or two and whatever libation you enjoy for relaxation:)

    • Actually, I do take a nice bubble bath every night. I used to have candles, but my children thoughtfully bought battery operated candles so I wouldn’t set the bathroom on fire!

  25. Your posts are always filled with such humor no matter the circumstance. I’m pretty careful at church, but I dance hula and we bend a lot. There have a few times when instead of watching the hips sway, they got to see other things sway!

    • That would definitely happen to me if I ever tried to hula…my hips are definitely big enough, but I don’t think the left is coordinated with the right!
      I love to watch women from Hawaii Hula! So graceful.

  26. Yocheved said:

    ROTFLMAO! Oh my. I have to admit, at first I was afraid that it would be a “white silk shirt meets red wine” incident. (Then again, you have 5 kids. What is this “white shirt” you speak of?)

    As for the cleavage issue, There’s a reason why my wardrobe is 99% crew necks!

  27. A holy workout! 🙂

  28. I think we’ve all been in your shoes. It does help to be able to laugh at ourselves.

  29. having gone through similar circumstances, I can relate. 🙂

  30. Thanks for sharing your giggle. Not laughing at you……..been there with a very unflattering dress. Thanks for reminding me to laugh. You are a wonderful writer and I feel so blessed every time I read your words. Thanks for sharing.

  31. So funny – sounds like a great church!

  32. How are you legs today after all that squatting? A work out that probably requires some wine for muscle relaxing purposes 🙂

    • Had some wine in the bath last night. My legs are fine.
      Because so many people have commented on what good exercise it was, I am thinking of incorporating it into my regular wine dispensing routine. One less day that I’d have to go to the gym…

  33. Haha – sorry for laughing at your misfortune, but this is something that would happen to me!

  34. Ahh, but your squats afforded you a very funny blog! Nice.

  35. It would seem that every experience can be a learning experience, you just have to be aware when the opportunity reveals itself! Love your story! 🙂

  36. Sadly, some perfectly acceptable clothing becomes not so acceptable in certain positions! I hate when that happens because then you can only wear something when you’ll be only standing, or only sitting, etc. So annoying. At least you got a good leg workout in, eh? 😉

  37. Sorry, but I had to laugh at the thought. At least you worked in your exercise for the day, week maybe even the year.

  38. I sing in the choir and I know how it feels when you have an oops moment like that. I love your church feels like such a warm place. Like having a great big hug in the cold. Remain Blessed

  39. I just nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award, because I enjoy your posts. For details, click on this link:

    http://annkoplow.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/day-70-questions-and-answers-and-the-liebster-blog-award/

  40. The good thing is that you were able to improvise and not freak out…at least not completely.

    Look at it this way, you could have dropped everything and ruined the whole thing by unintentionally making a big scene. I guess those who got their wine might have taken your squats as a sign of reverence and respect.

  41. hehehe thanks for a wonderful laugh! I can just see you gymming like that to the beat of the choir… I volunteer at our local Cub pack a bit and have also had to learn not to wear t-shirts that are too loose, because such a lot of cleavage is not okay to show… not even for kids under 11! Funnily though some women can pull it off without batting an eyelid… tough skin I suppose.

  42. VictoriaJoDean said:

    Oh, those embarrassing moments. I have to admit that I was hoping you weren’t in a skirt as you squatted.

  43. I teach ESL and I do so in a culture that is very modest when it comes to the tops they wear, your skirt can barely cover your butt but as long as there’s no cleavage you’re good. I came over wearing the layered look, scoop neck t-shirts with high cami’s and tanks underneath. We got to the body lessons and in my class of younger children we would sing head shoulders knees and toes every class. I’ve also lost a considerable amount of weight since arriving due to the culture (walking everywhere, the food, etc) and my shirts now kind of all do what yours did when I bend over. I learned quickly that I needed to be very selective with what clothes I wore when singing that song. lol

  44. I read this post a couple days ago while at work…and about fell out of my seat laughing, because I can soooo relate. I once wore a pair of light colored pink pants to church…I always, always do the butt mirror check (you know the can you see my underwear check…). This day I was running late and did NOT check. I serve as a greeter at my church…random people kept coming up to me saying, “I am smiling”, and I couldn’t figure out why. Sometime later at home I walk past my mom to get something, she bursts out with laughter. In between her fits off laughter she says “nice underwear.” I had on happy face underwear with the word SMILE printed in big bold letters. I will NEVER do that again.

  45. Your so funny I am a visual type person so all I could see was you squatting up and down wow! Your story was what I needed this morning I am so thankful for your transparency! God bless you and your beautiful 5 blessings

  46. liliesandleaves said:

    Been there, done that… will NEVER wear the T-shirt again!

  47. Thanks for sharing, you have a great sense of humor!!!

  48. Wonderful church environment where loving all types is especially anticipated! I loved the humor you showed about yourself. I think you have it in each story and it makes it fun to read! Keep up the great work!

  49. Great story: inspiring, adventure, problem overcome, lesson learned! I enjoyed it 😉

  50. oh no, been there done that!!! At least you noticed, I had the embarrassment of someone else having to tell me :/

  51. Wow, that’s embarrassing. I’ve had similar experiences, but not on such a large scale. God bless you!

  52. johnnywholeheart said:

    Funny story! My wife holds her hand on her shirt when bends over at church. When I first witnessed that I thought it was funny, but she knows what she’s doing. Thanks for sharing!

  53. truly, truly hilarious.

  54. Thank you for this! I needed to smile today! I love your blog. It is amazing! I am new to blogging and am really enjoying reading great blogs. Blessings to you and yours

  55. Paula Cummings said:

    That made me laugh. I once walked around a huge store with my shirt undone to my belly button (not deliberately, I might add!). I wondered why I was getting a lot of smiles from guys. 🙂

  56. This cracked me up! It sounded like something I would have done! Your church sounds awesome. Bless you! 🙂

  57. Thanks for sharing that and being real. At least your legs got a good workout. Keep up the good post and sorry it took so long to respond….#beblessed

  58. Funny thing is that if you had exited without the squat dance maybe no one would have paid any attention to you. BUT HEY WE ALL DO IT…lol. Why do we always think everyone sees all the flaws in ourselves or clothes when usually everyone is too worried about themselves to notice your issues. (That is until we point them out….and we do it Everytime). Lol

    • No…I knew they would notice…it fell far away from my body and my big breast were just sagging down…not easy to miss! And I had to stand up there throughout the distribution of communion, so couldn’t really have exited even though every bone in my body was screaming “Run for the hills!”
      I truly think I did the squatting thing gracefully enough that people did not notice too much.

  59. Dear Linda

    Thanks for the inspiring post…chests and churches, you’re a poet.

    A charming girl I used to dance with, also very religious, once wore a lovely dress to class, and on every salsa turn that involved lifting her arms, her boobs popped out.

    I didn’t look. Presents like that usually look better wrapped up.

  60. Actually, I have to say I’m so pleased with our new church. We are new to this church, and they’re making our transition incredibly easy. I myself am disabled, and the chairs were making it unbearable for me to sit through a service. I asked if I could bring a chair (you know, one of those patio chairs you can lift the arms & recline the back a bit) and they offered to let me try one of the cushioned chairs from the nursery. Well, my husband & I arrived last Sunday to see the Pastor had brought in a chair for me & it was already set up! They’re going to leave it there (in the MIDDLE, NOT the back!) and if I need to move it to the wall to access the outlet (for my heating pad) they’re perfectly fine with it. I was so touched by their thoughtfulness & generosity. 🙂

  61. As one of your other commenters said, maybe God has a sense of humor, and gives it to one congregation at a time….

  62. sorry, had to giggle a bit with this one. only because i have experienced similiar clothing mishaps. often at work though, not church. i hate short-waisted uniform shirts that tend to ride up and show off unpleasant looking bellies and their buttons.
    *yikes* love this blog thus far. will go looking for more good reads!

  63. Haha… I guess every woman has her day 🙂 .. Let’s see the lovely side of this. Its the beauty of a woman and it’s impossible to stay too modest all the time.

  64. Iron sharpening iron? V.cool.

  65. Haha. That’s very funny. I’m a Eucharistic Minister too but it’s always so cold I’m generally bundled up too much to worry about flashing the congregation. A great read! Thanks. x

  66. That was fun to read. Doesn’t these things happen to us all females?

  67. Thank you for the laugh!! I love that you kept your sense of humor!! You brightened up my afternoon!

  68. 🙂 I have had something similar happen to me! Thanks for sharing.

  69. Lol….. love this post. Think I can relate. Smile

  70. Andee D. said:

    That’s hilarious! But we all learn, and you’re very good-natured about your experience 🙂

  71. Hi, 5kids! Boy, do you have your hands full. My blouse opened one day in a courtroom in Montana. I was sole counsel on a multimillion-dollar lawsuit–it was the near the end of the first grueling day–two lawyers and a clerk on the other side–and I saw the court reporter staring at me in a peculiar way. Oops. I was thin then and had a frilly white blouse with a ends to tie as a bow at the neck. Bow and buttons to the waist spread. Since they didn’t care much for women lawyers anyhow–we’re talking early 80s–I buttoned up and kept going with my head up, my teeth gritted, refusing to blush. J.

  72. A lovely story….you write very well!

  73. cvheerden said:

    Awesome church you got! Do they have a website? I love it when a ministry goes the extra mile to make everybody feel welcome! Maybe they can change the setting of having to stand on a step to serve communion, I am sure other ladies face similar problems?

    • They do have a website, but I try to keep a little bit of anonymity on my part to protect my children’s privacy.
      I was watching the other day to see what other people do…generally they just hold the cup out and people have to stand on their tippy toes if they are short. I guess I am more accommodating…

  74. I truly enjoyed this post and praises for your church making it wheelchair accessible. I admire your sanity with all that you have to do. God is awesome isn’t he?

  75. kaagapaymo said:

    LOL

  76. Oh no, haha! Today I wore a skirt and didn’t realize it was basically transparent. Waredrobe malfunctions.

  77. Calvary blessings to you in the beloved name of our LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ. This is very funny….LOL!!!

  78. This blog was great. It sounds like something I would do.

    I have 4 children, one with bipolar disorder and one with adhd. Parenting is always an adventure, but children with disabilities make it even more challenging. I’m so glad you’re doing a blog about this. There needs to be more awareness about it.

  79. Once my daughter was going to church with us and had a low cut dress. I made her wear a sweater and as soon as we got there one of the ladies had a dress with even a deeper cut. You should have seen the glare she game me 🙂

  80. Hilarious! You captured the scene perfectly. I can’t imagine going through that embarrassing episode (mainly because I am a man.) Great post! I look forward to reading more.
    Take care,
    Paul : )

  81. Very funny 🙂 It sounds like something that would happen to me — except in my case they would be able to see my belly button!

  82. I’ve done the same thing but anyone could see my belly button and everything else because I am so incredibly flat chested. I totally get that about testing clothes before wearing them.

  83. Love your honesty and writing style.
    Keep giving us the funny side of life so we can enjoy laughs along with you.

  84. I’m afriad I’ve had some wardrobe malfunctions as well. “Judge not uless you want to be judged.”

  85. Taiwanda said:

    Your church sounds so wonderfully accepting and inclusive. However, your story about communion was funny. 🙂

    • Yeh, I love my church. They even understood when my son, Steve, with autism, hid under the pew instead of going up for his first communion. (And for his baptism when he was 3, he actually crawled under the vestments of our female pastor and hid. She baptized him by bending over and reaching underneath. Her understanding and accommodations for him was hysterical.)

      • Taiwanda said:

        Lol…I’m definitely going to have to come back to read more when I have more free time :-)!

      • I have a feeling we would get along famously! I love that your church just accepts the “odd” behaviors and goes with it. Being the Pastor’s family sometimes we get more judgement than understanding, though this church that we are in now, is amazing!

  86. You do go to a very special church! Funny post indeed about the shirt as well.

  87. Looking forward to reading your book. Thank you.

  88. startrekkin said:

    I giggled because it reminded me of when I was in middle school and had to do altar attendant duty (it was required if you were in confirmation class). One Sunday I had decided to wear a pair of hooker boots (think Julia Roberts’s boots in Pretty Woman) to church.

    Anyway…part of my duties was to carry the tray with the shot glasses of wine right behind the assistant pastor who was handing out the wafers.

    On one trip down, I tripped over the hem of my robe and went sprawling down the steps onto the stone floor.

    DIDN”T SPILL A DROP! 😀

    • OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!! What a funny story! I’ve always worried about dropping the chalice, but I haven’t. Know I know you can do so and still live to talk about it!

  89. LOL. How many times have I arrived at church in something that just wasn’t working? 🙂

  90. Lol…well, I can tell this will be the first of many posts from you that will give me a chuckle…such a beautiful way to handle that situation!

  91. Oh my! This made me laugh out loud – literally! My husband wanted to know why I was laughing so hysterically. As I high school teacher, I can totally relate!

  92. I wore a dress to church Sunday that I could not get out of fast enough when I got home! Luckily it had a coat to go with it so no one could tell. It only felt snug when I sat down.

    Keep writing!

  93. Enjoyed this so much; it made me laugh. Modesty came to me when I met the Lord; hard not to impose my new (4o year old) standards on my granddaughters. I’ve had a few times dressing when what looked fine at home turned out to be a disaster in church in one way or another. Thanks.

  94. Very entertaining. I can relate, being very tall myself. It’s a long way to make a squat.

  95. Believer said:

    I would feel blessed if I had the opportunity of attending a church like yours! Thanks for sharing.

    Blessings,

    Maritza

  96. This is so funny! I was thinking, “well at least you got your squats in”! 😉 Many blessings to you!!

  97. I’m so glad you can laugh at yourself! What a healthy mental outlook! Embarassing moments, ah I know about that too. Once when I was dating my husband so many moons ago, we had a simple picnic at the park. We bought some snacks at the local convenience store, and I bought chocolate milk for my drink. We found a spot to eat and I think we ate on the ground. I was wearing a white dress, uh, not conducive with chocolate milk. How I spilled it all over myself is a mystery! But there I was with the love of my life and totally humiliated! Ah, such is life. I guess, it didn’t scare him off for here we are almost at 38 years of matrimony. I enjoyed this post.

  98. Too funny! I felt the same way after I realized I was flashing piano students every time I bent over to make a correction in their music.

    I like the cleavage covers I purchased at Chemisettes by Anne (she has a website at http://www.chemisettesbyanne.com). That way, I didn’t have to purchase a whole new wardrobe!

  99. yvonneeileen said:

    I enjoyed reading your post and look forward to reading more and learning about your life. I cannot imagine raising more than one child with a disability–although I am an eighth grade teacher, I don’t have to take them home. May God bless you and yours.

  100. I am thrilled that I found you! Blessings…..nameste. . . Anne

  101. After scanning through these comments, there is little left to be said 🙂
    Except…”I feel your mortification.”
    However, look on the bright side…hang on…Is there a bright side? 😀 😀
    I’m so glad you go to such a wonderful, supporting church.

  102. Thanks for sharing that embarrasing moment with us, we all have a few! Ha!

  103. LOL! Funny! And many of us can relate to embarrassing moments at church – especially trying our best to make a new outfit to hang right in spite of all sorts of things going on!

  104. By the way, I used to have your same theme on my blog – but it magically changed one day – and I can’t get it back. Weird, huh?

  105. Your story is so great! I am a Pastor’s Wife, and have only realized the flashing upon reflecting in the mirror AFTER the fact. At least you only flashed once and then realized what was happening.

    I am shorter than most of the world (well, adult world) and NEVER even thought that tall people could look down my shirt. Where were you all then? I could have used that info a lot sooner. LOL!

  106. Modesty is the best policy for all of us, isn’t it? I wish everyone was concerned for the eyes of others in church as you are.

  107. That’s funny! Sounds like you have found the perfect church home.

  108. Thanks for the laugh! We Christians take ourselves so seriously, we forget to laugh at our all too human foibles. Any woman reading this can empathize with you. Sadly, I’ve never come across a church with more than an exterior ramp for those dealing with handicaps.

  109. floridaborne said:

    Been there, endured that. But it could have been worse. I once went down a slide in a water park to find my top had untied and was at my waist. Not one of my finer moments! Thank the good Lord I was wearing a one-piece. Haven’t had a bathing suit that tied in back since that time.

  110. I loved your post. I have family members wioth diaabilities as I do myself. I salute you for what you do to help those with diabilities.

  111. This made me laugh just imagining the “squatting” part…I, too, am tall:)

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