We all know the adage that the washing machine eats socks, which is why they never come out in pairs.  I long ago gave up trying to match them, just buying plain black socks for the boys and hoping they kind of match.  Marie gets to feel in fashion because all of her socks are multi-colored with frogs, kisses, stripes and cats.  If she can get one stripe from one sock to match the color on the cat, then she has found a fashionable match!

My concern is our silverware.  When we first had kids, we started out with a full Faber ware set.  As we saw pieces disappear one by one, we had to replace the set several times.  (We now have 72 knives and six spoons left.)  We do not know where the silverware goes.  As far as we are concerned, we eat with it, put it  in the sink, in the dishwasher to be washed and then back in the silverware drawer.  It is not rocket science.  It IS, however, way too complicated of a system to work in our house.  For some reason, our silverware disappears!  One would assume that the washing machine/sock theory would work for the dishwasher and disappearing silverware, but, alas, that is not the answer.

Theory #1 is that ours is the “HOUSE OF THE DISAPPEARING SILVERWARE”, oooooooooh!  We sometimes stay awake at night imagining the silverware whisking away into thin air with a whoooosh here and a whooosh there, kind of like witchcraft.  (In the interest of full disclosure, my husband is not bothered by this and he sleeps soundly…)  In the morning, half of the forks are gone!

Theory #2 is that, somehow, the children are involved.  Maybe they take a paper plate of left overs to their bedrooms and the silverware gets thrown away with the disposable dish. I shudder to think of this dirty, tragic end to our fine and selfless silverware. They died in the line of duty, never again seeing the light of day…

Whatever the reason, and whatever the consequences we have put upon our children for not taking care of the silverware, it continues to vanish for no apparent reason. Long ago we gave up our concept that the ideal home has good silverware with which to feed our perfect little family. Currently, spoons and forks from the Dollar Store fill our silverware drawer.  The frustration of having to constantly replace good silverware is gone.  With that stress no longer on my shoulders, the result is a cheaper, flimsier fork.  Eating steak, which would potentially bend our new utensils, it out of the question. It doesn’t matter anyway…hamburger is about all we can afford.  We are so lucky that our budget matches our utensil selection!  Our hospitality skills are also hampered by the antics of our kiddos, so we are also lucky that no one in their right mind would come to our house for dinner, thus sampling our pittance silverware.  Isn’t it great how life does have a way of turning out perfectly?  We are so lucky!

***********

Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book:  http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

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Comments on: "If the Washing Machine Eats the Socks, What Eats the Silver Ware?" (127)

  1. Isn’t that amazing, how a problem can become a blessing?? That is the story of my life – and I wouldn’t want it any other way! Welcome to the club!

  2. Our home suffers from the same strange malady! The only thing we’ve been able to surmise is that the knives have gone the way of the trash via Pizza boxes…Lol! I always feel like someday I’m going to be deep cleaning…probably a closet or something…and that I’ll find a huge pile of spoons in the corner of a shelf or something. Its magic!

    • Me, too! I expect to find them all piled up in the most unlikely place! Of course, how they got there would still be a mystery!
      We wouldn’t have silverware in our pizza boxes. We just dig in and eat it with our hands…

  3. I know where my missing silverware is hiding – under the stove and fridge and in the cracks in between those appliances and the cabinets. I’ll find them if and when I move again. 🙂

  4. Makes you wonder why you can’t just by parts of sets of silverware.

  5. LOVE this post. I am so glad I am following your blog. I get such great gifts in my mailbox!

  6. Can I join the club? Lol. Same story here. I have no idea where they’ve all gone. But I have dollar store silverware too so I don’t really care anymore *shrugs*

  7. I love your spirit! What would life and love be with no family and a full set of expensive silver? Our family makes our dinner hour 🙂 Things are just that…things 🙂

    • Yes, silverware is just…things…but for a long while those missing…things…caused me stress. I had to change my thinking and the stress went away! It’s funny how we all have to make accommodations to make our lives easier. Fortunately, I am very accommodating…

  8. Garrie Madison Stoutimore said:

    Yup- same thing in my home. However, instead of dollar store replacements, I pick up spare cutlery at second hand stores. I’ve found better quality/lower priced forks that can actually stand up to my cooking. And believe it or not, my family and I have come to prefer having unmatched items. (I even blogged about it.)

  9. I too have magical disappearing silverware, but with an interesting twist. My MIL lives next door and we’ve slowly accumulated several pieces of her silverware as ours disappears. I wonder if we’d find our missing pieces in her silverware drawer.

  10. So we’re not alone! I thought ours was the only house where this happens! Haha!
    Amy Marie

  11. Lol laughing so hard I thought there was something going on over here no one else in the world experienced a silverware thief a haunting who knew this was happening else where… Kids gotta love them and my dollar store silverware too 🙂 loved this post

    • Ohhh! I am so excited I am not alone!!

      • No, no we could probably start a club mms moms missing silverware with jackets like the pink ladies in Greece and our Montra could be ” we will not stress over the loss of 25 cent forks” lol great excuse for a girls night 🙂 hope your weekend is going well

  12. I will check if any of that silverware has turned up at my place; we have odd pieces of cutlery. Perhaps you have some of my knives 🙂

  13. You are always so positive and such a joy to read 🙂

  14. Hilarious…I so relate!! I am just laughing out loud, because there I was at Walmart just yesterday buying a cheap bundle of spoons. We go through spoons faster than we go through toilet paper around here!…It is a great mystery indeed.

  15. I love how you find the humor in truth! Your post made me laugh, and it also inspired me as a mom and a fledgling blogger whose goal is to write professionally to educate, encourage, and entertain those people who read about my own little dog and pony show. I hope to emulate your success and thank you for sharing your stories and observations here!

  16. for some reason in our house its the spoons too! i thought it was a mystery until I looked in my daughters car one day and found tons of spoons. seems she never thinks to take plastic when grabbing a yogurt on the run. but there is still a disproportionate amount of knives/forks to spoons!

  17. Huh! The washer eats the socks? I thought it was the dryer! 😉

  18. Perfectly Imperfect said:

    It’s definitely the kids that make silverware disappear. I haven’t had this issue yet, but I’m sure I will once they get older.

  19. I have the same problem with spoons. No idea where they go? And I have no kids old enough to blame it on yet

  20. lifeshardlessons1 said:

    I love it and it’s so true! I have 4 kids and I was looking at my silver wear drawer the other day wondering what happened to all the small spoons! I was thinking is it just me or do things really get up and walk away? I will never know I guess. But I do love your theories as I have had some of the same! *smiles*

  21. Such perfectly funny timing for this post!!
    My kids have been out of our house for three years now, and this morning as I was weeding my perennial beds, I found a buried teaspoon in there! We had the same problem for years, the case of the disappearing forks/spoons. The kids always looked at me with big innocent eyes and denied any involvement! Ha!
    I suggest that you check the yard….!

  22. After sharing my home with foster kiddos for years, many with a unique look at life…….my disappearing items changed with the make up of the household.
    Spoons were appropriated as outside digging equipment. Finding them when I turned up new garden plots was the AH HA moment.
    Dish towels was a conundrum: Sold a car that had been parked forever in the garage, just off the kitchen….. Piles of dishtowels behind the car. Tossing them across the garage was apparently much easier than hanging them up or getting them to the laundry.

    Fun to think on what kiddos added to the mysterious disappearance factor of the house!
    Thanks for a good read!

  23. Mohammad Farooq said:

    How sweetly you described it all. This is the first time I am reading your post, i guess. Nice one.
    btw, do visit my blog and share your views as well. 🙂

    http://www.reveringthoughts.wordpress.com

  24. Great post! All so familiar…with or without kids with disabilities. Actually, I think you just need to follow your daughter Marie’s approach… one stripe from one sock to match the color on the cat, then she has found a fashionable match…so what if the the fork is silver coated plastic and the spoon dishwasher-dulled stainless. They both work. Looks pretty good to me!

    • I have seen those pretend silver plastic forks. It is tempting to buy them, but I hesitate…I have to hold on to the last semblance of “normal” silverware…it’s a pride thing, I guess!! (Ha! Ha!)

  25. Ha. There is a dryer monster eating the socks, and a silverware monster eating the silverware. Not quite as cool as the cookie monster, but takes a little of the mystery out 😉

  26. Thank you for your post. You provided a much needed chuckle 🙂 specially the line about the “silverware dying in the line of duty, never again to see the light of day”.
    I like to believe that God has a great sense of humor.
    Many times in my life, some of my most silly events or musing thoughts come to mind on an otherwise very serious or challenging day.
    Because I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. I often Joke that “God must have thought I needed a chuckle” that must be why that happened. A little “Comic Relief” in a serious world is always welcome 🙂 Thanks for the humor.

    With respect, hope, joyfulness and love,
    Carmela 🙂

    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I believe God must have a great sense of humor…why else would I be blessed with all of these humorous events that make my life so much fun?

  27. Very funny and good exercise in problem solving and coping… you are doing great. We have the sock problem too of course and the biggest contributor to that is a ferret who steals them and hides them in odd places like behind the furnace or under couches!! I think our silverwear goes in lunchboxes and in the car and never come home again.

  28. You are, by far, my favorite blogger and I look forward to any post you have the time to write! Now that my kids are gone from the house, it seems that the silverware no longer disappears. Hmmm. But then, I never used my good silver when they were small. I use it now and am missing only one fork! I bought this set when I was 20 and that was 48 yrs. ago. But, I’ve never had a dishwasher to eat them.

  29. I have often commented on disappearing socks — but never disappearing silverwear. How about disappearing locks for the keys that I have on main chain that no longer have meaning.

  30. Just have to say that I’ve been enjoying reading your blog (though I know I don’t comment much). But I also wanted you to know that I nominated you for a Liebster Award, because I enjoy reading your blog (and hopefully, it’ll get others to come visit you as well!). Details on the award can be found on my blog at http://simuladoratur.wordpress.com/2013/06/23/the-liebster-award/

    Congratulations, and thanks for all the good reads! Keep up the good work!

  31. If it is the kids accidentally throwing them out, I would suggest keeping a small, easily accessible dish of disposable forks and knives for them to use for snacks and things. 🙂 Who knows, maybe it will help? What a great read! Definitely made me smile. 🙂

  32. So it isn’t just me? Your posts are always such a joy to read. You have the right attitude – joy and blessings are where you choose to find them!

  33. Disappearing spoons is a common problem. They often get put in lunch bags and tossed out with the wrappers,left with empty yogurt containers in the car, used for digging in the garden or other various things. When my kids were small, I found spoons everywhere, in the basement, the bedrooms, outside or not at all. When I help clean for some of our clients, I’ve noticed that the spoon section often holds less utensils than the forks or knives. So as long as you have kids at home, you will have a shortage of spoons!

  34. Our forks disappear. My mother’s spoons disappeared. I think the silverware is affected by a mutant genetic magnetic field that we emit, as yet undetected by scientists.

    Your sense of humor is always so refreshing!

  35. I LOVE your posts… if nothing else they make me feel I am not alone … Yep, forks and spoons disappear at my house too. … only one fork ever made it back … when I was cooking a meal for someone I had accidentally wrapped a fork with the meal … I got it back when they returned my dishes … a little embarrassing 😳 … but thank goodness at least one was accounted for ….
    Thanks for making me laugh!

  36. Made me smile even now living on my own, I find cutlery disappearing and makes me laugh

  37. Nice post! You have a great sense of humor. 🙂 I’m glad you find ways to handle frustrations positively and in good spirits.

  38. Lucky and funny! Examples of lemons and lemonade, Your posts are always a pleasure to read.
    Janet

  39. in our house it was knives that kept disappearing – owing to No2 son’s habit of using a knife as a substitute screwdriver whenever he was doing any DIY work

  40. Love it! Life’s great mystery, well that and how to get the duvet into the cover. Thanks for sharing.

  41. I have this problem too. My theory is that I take the spoons out with me on sleep walking expeditions and post them through my neighbours’ letter boxes. You don’t have a sleep walker in the house, do you??

  42. I was always taught that things that disappeared from the drier went to Saturn’s rings. Perhaps that’s where the silverware goes.

  43. Can we add to the list – hairbrushes, scissors, bra underwires and bobby pins?
    There is a “lost place” somewhere in another invisible dimension where all this stuff is floating around. I am SURE of it!

  44. If we ever move, we will find dozens of scissors and nail clippers. It seems like I am buying them every few months. (We have lived in our present house for 18 years).

  45. It’s just the spoons that vanish around here! We’ve also had to replace with Dollar Store silverware.

  46. Ever considered eating like the Indians? Hands can’t go missing 😉

  47. Very funny! Love how you turned it all into a positive 🙂 I was just thinking the other day how my cutlery drawer is such a miracle. We received two very posh silverware sets for our wedding 14 years ago, and our drawer still shines with the full complement of matching lovely cutlery! I don’t really know how we do it, but I suspect that the ‘cheap’ spoon drawer for lunches taken to work and school or outings might be the secret!

  48. Thank heavens I am not the only one with this problem! If I didn’t have to reinvest in silverware I would be a rich woman right now…

  49. Yocheved said:

    Check the kids rooms, sift through the sand box, and look in the flower beds.

    Ikea has super cheap silverware, and some of the styles are very nice!

  50. Yocheved said:

    Hee! I just thought of a new song for Weird Al – “I got 99 forks, but a spoon, got none!” ;-P

  51. To go along with the last comment I read: how about a new song for your family? “99 forks in the silverware drawer, 99 forks in the drawer….” You get the idea.

    Love your posts and the humor you generously sprinkle in them.

  52. I love how you’ve coped with the disappearing silverware! Because my Little Man still has such difficulty eating without making a complete mess, and we have a lot of mice in the area, I have a very strict rule of eating only at our dining table. No food goes to the bedroom. Although he does sneak snacks in there. He still would rather eat with his hands than with utensils, and he’s 10.

    By the way, I’d sit at your dinner table any time!

  53. Funny. I totally get it and I only had one kid. My Mom, if she were still with us, would totally get it. There were eventually 8 kids in our family and she had the same issue. Thanks for the memories.

  54. And I thought that the naughty leprechaun was hiding the socks in m house 😉
    Love your blog BTW 🙂

  55. Interestingly, same oddity in this household. Socks and spoons. Now I’m thinking of Hey Diddle diddle –
    Hey diddle diddle,
    The Cat and the fiddle,
    The Cow jumped over the moon.
    The little Dog laughed,
    To see such sport,
    And the Dish ran away with the Spoon.

  56. It’s in the garbage! I often catch our 2-6 year olds throwing away their non-disposable plates in the garbage, and tossing their disposable plates in the sink! Apparently I’ve failed to distinguish between the two very important vocab words: trash and sink.

  57. I have no kids yet, but the same thing is happening in our house! I constantly ask my fiance what he has against forks and teaspoons since I’m convinced he’s throwing them away. He’s a fair bit older than 6 though, so I’m not sure why . . . lol

  58. Funny! You might enjoy my post about the missing silverware…and the odd pieces that had taken their place! http://athankfullyimperfectwoman.com/2013/03/10/where-oh-where-did-our-silverware-go/

  59. supernova1c said:

    Hi Linda, yes it is very peculiar how stuff just vanishes into thin air. Pens are another thing that disappear in my house and I just can’t understand where they go (along with many socks)! I have also moved house a couple of times and surprisingly I haven’t found anything – it must be the ghost who follows me around and steals stuff lol!

    • YES!!! I forgot about the PENS!!!! I buy many when I go shopping, but they are never to be found when I need them. I usually end up writing with crayon or eye liner!

  60. Your post made me smile. I don’t have children but why do I also have the same problem/blessing? Hmm…. 🙂

  61. I have this same problem. I have accused my children, my husband, the dogs and that stupid bird that lives upstairs. I decided to try an experiment and put all the silverware away and just buy plastic. What happened you ask? I have 72 plastic forks and six spoons. Uh huh. Very twilight zone.

  62. PrayTogetherStayTogether said:

    I have often wondered about this myself! Since we don’t have any kids in the house yet I blame our dog. 🙂

  63. Our silverware disappears, too! Especially spoons. At least once a year, a family member has to buy us silverware as a birthday or Christmas gift. Oh, and the socks. I get it. All my boys and I have white socks. I don’t match them, they just grab two. My 3 year old daughter has crazy designs and she thinks its cool to have two different socks. It makes life SO much easier. We also put all the clothes in one room by the laundry room, that way I’m not carrying clothes up and downstairs every day. With a big family and special needs kids, some things are just vital for sanity. 🙂

  64. I keep replacing my cutlery too. One week it will be spoons, next week forks.rarely the knives for some reason.
    My theories go like this

    1) when scraping leftovers into bin the cutlery ends up in the bin too
    2) kids have stolen it for some strange project
    3) back of cooker monster as eaten it
    4) the fairies have crept in and stolen it

  65. I absolutely love it!!! We are three in total all a little ‘off the wall’ and have a silverware stealer as well–it’s either the teen collecting them to feed her ‘under the bed monsters’ OR the four year old scrapping her plate…. into the compost .(which is for food leftovers pops!;).

  66. I must let you know that I have actually found evidence of once cherished silverware in the garden. How it arrived to be buried without ceremony, I can not tell. But I know that any patch of disturbed earth will yield remains….. It matters not how many steak knives you have, but rather, whether you have boys, because if you have boys – you will need MORE steak knives…. And forks….. And spoons…….and……

  67. So true..but life is good with unexplainable mysteries

  68. So funny! We haven’t had this particular problem in our house, but the venting tops to the Tupperware keep vanishing. Hmmmm.

  69. There’s only two of us in our house and neither of us is a child, yet the silverware I managed to keep for twenty years suddenly started to disappear piece by piece, as has the replacement set. I suspect it started to happen when SO “helped” by taking the dirty dishes into the kitchen and scraped the paper napkins covering the silverware into the trash. Except that now we’re both very aware that this can happen so we’re careful – and yet, it happens. I don’t konw the explanation for this, but it has to be the dishwasher because I didn’t have one before we moved out here and my silverware didn’t disappear before that. Good story. Thanks..

  70. I’m not sure about the case of the missing cutlery, but since I do a majority of the laundry for our household, I am quite versed in the sock consuming dryer phenomenon. I always tell my wife whenever I find money in the dryer it is the dryer paying us back for all the socks it has stolen…Or, because someone forgot to empty my wife’s pockets…I’m sticking with the first theory.

  71. I don’t think its really happens, may it misplaced at somewhere. IT may be in the washer.

  72. I think that its not really happened but The frustration of having to constantly replace good silverware is gone.

  73. stibnite said:

    I don’t find any of this humorous.

    This means the child is learning to become a thief and is disrespecting the property of others.

    Most of it stems from laziness. Kid doesn’t want to wash the dish, or throws the spoon away to hide the fact that she stole the expensive almond butter belonging to the diabetic father.

    This does not show promising choices on the behalf of the child in question. Bad choices such as this lead to worse choices later.

    I find no humor in a disrespecting and thieving behavioral issue such as this. None. I will not make light of this as long as one of my children is guilty.

    And one is.

    Sadly, she threw away irreplaceable and very valuable silverware passed down in our family for hundreds of years that wasn’t even supposed to be used.

    She will be held accountable. 11 years old. Yes, 11. Not an innocent 3 year old.

    This seems to be a common problem amongst many households too.

    • I certainly respect your opinion. If my silverware were expensive and I thought my kiddos were doing it on purpose I might agree. In our house, even I am guilty of this behavior. I apologize if you are offended that I made light of it, but that is the whole goal of my blog…laughing at every day life! My lifestyle, such as it is, takes things less seriously than most people. Otherwise I would have nothing interesting to write about!

  74. OMG! There is always at least one WET BLANKET in every crowd! If you will notice – I was the first to comment on this topic quite some time ago. Well, I’ve read thru everyone’s comments – and I might add that EVERYONE with exception of one WET BLANKET found your post humorous!

    Although I do take care of grandchildren and have wondered about some missing dishes of late (mainly my pastry brush) which I can’t seem to locate – I’ve decided that it is my 63 yr. old senile dementia (joking) brain that is throwing things in the trash when I intend for them to be in the sink. Heaven forbid!! Flog me! Send me to the gas chamber! Or better yet, just paste a big fat “L” “T” on my chest for “lazy thief”…

    Sorry Stibnite – you are wrong. And I’m glad I’m not that 11 yr. old. People are so much more important than possessions (no matter their value) and you have offended me with your arrogant, insolent, disdainful attitude.

  75. I dont have kids, so dont have any special experience with it, as i know its just a rumor.

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