Archive for the ‘families’ Category

What to Learn from Baby Birds

 

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I drive slowly down my street to get home, which includes an area of trees, wild grasses and the occasional soda can or lost piece of paper. It is usually a non-committal drive, with my head swirling with ideas and concerns, not paying attention to the road at all. Yesterday was different. In between the trees was a mother bird, brown breast with brown-flecked wings. 6 inches in front of her was her tiny twin, obviously her offspring. The little one was walking away from her, turning to look back every second or so. Her beak seemed to say, “Go on, little one,” as the tiny bird inched farther along from her mom. It was such a sweet situation to observe!

Of course, all parents have gone through the same thing, pushing our little ones out of the nest. It is an 18, (or 19 or 20) year push. Lessons start early. An infant learns that he can depend on us to meet his needs, and trust that we are there for him. As a toddler develops, he tries to stretch the boundaries, asserting his own will, sometimes throwing a tantrum. As parents, we teach him how to handle his frustration differently, diverting tantrums into learning experiences. We give him lots of choices so that he feels in control, and lots of activities that he can do independently, giving him that sense of self he so desperately needs to develop. When it is time for school, we send them off like mother birds, nudging them along towards independence. We smile, wave, and hide the tears as he goes off to school for the first time, making it a great independent experiment!

By our own modeling, we teach him to be considerate of others, to share, to accept and to encourage. It is by demonstrating the “do unto others” concept that he learns not only his own value, but the value of all human life.

My oldest son, Francis, a manager for a large tech company, goes out of his way to hire individuals with disabilities. He often remarks it is easy to overlook their capabilities when presented with their physical impairments. As a teen, he used to build houses for Habitat for Humanity and teach Sunday School. As a teen, my daughter, Dinora, raised money for the development of a soup kitchen in her native Guatemala, even visiting and working there herself when she graduated from college. Even now, as a successful make-up artist, she regularly sends them money. When younger, Steven, with the weight of all of his own problems, looked kindly upon others, volunteering to help people carry groceries or donating his precious change to someone in need. (I will never forget traveling the subway in Boston and he kept asking me for change to give to all of the musicians and beggars down in the tunnels. He was devastated when I ran out of money.) Angel, who currently works 2 jobs to pay for his car, continues to make time to work at a camp for children who are blind where he has volunteered since he was 14. And Marie, who has so many issues herself, takes pride in leading a young schoolmate with Down Syndrom to get his daily medication from the nurse. She is gentle and kind and considerate of his special needs.

As that mother bird nudged her birdling towards independence, we need to nudge our own children to care about others. The future of Peace depends upon it.

 

“God Don’t Make Junk”

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This used to be my mom’s favorite saying. She believed it all of her life, but never as much as she did after the birth of my brother, Curtis. When she was pregnant with him, she was unknowingly exposed to German Measles, thus affecting him with Rubella Syndrome.

Curtis was unfortunate to acquire all of the accompanying diagnosis; he had a severe hearing impairment, congenital heart disease, an intellectual disability, an odd head shape (like a smooshed pear,) a cleft lip and palate, autism and was legally blind with crossed eyes that wiggled back and forth. (Additionally, when he was a teen, he developed schizophrenia, but that’s for another story…)

Because I was only 4 when he was born, I thought he was the cutest thing in the world! He was my BROTHER, after all. I delighted in feeding him formula through an eye dropper, trying to quell his kitten like hunger cries. I loved to rock him in the rocking chair, all bundled up and warm. He was a delight to me!

Curtis’s life in our family was as amazing as mine. Loving, adventurous, interesting, and accepting. Anywhere we went, I would explain to quizzical stares that he was born like that and he might look different, but inside he was the same as everyone else. In fact, he had an amazing sense of humor and would laugh at anything! He loved to eat peaches and watch Sesame Street. As I extoled my brother’s virtues, I could see their stares soften with understanding and acceptance.

The “gawking” role was reversed when I was a parent, and this moment is etched into my mind. Francis and I were at the zoo. He must have been about four years old because I remember pushing his sister, Dinora, in a stroller. Nearing a pen of vastly ugly pigs snorting mud, Francis exclaimed, “Look, mom! One of the animals got out of the cage.” I looked over and saw a horrified mother with a toddler in a stroller. A disfigured toddler, with a gaping mouth like Curtis used to have. And the child was snorting bubbles and drool. Taken aback and horrified by what Francis said, I took his hand and we walked over to the stroller. I smiled at the mom and told her what beautiful eyes her child had! I asked her if it would be okay if we touched him, and Francis and I leaned over and gently rubbed the child’s chubby little hands, which opened and closed in excitement. “He really seems to be enjoying the zoo!” I said, as we parted, smiling knowing little smiles at each other.

I then took Francis aside and explained that God makes all types of children, and “God don’t make junk!” His observational comment was an innocent one, (especially because he is legally blind,) but it provided an opportunity for a valuable lesson.

Every mother wants to be proud of her child, and to have others share in her positive feelings. Every child is a joy! Imagine yourself in the mother of a disabled child’s shoes. Have empathy for that mom. Join in her admiration of her child, and maybe you will also internalize the concept that “God don’t make junk!”

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For more stories about Curtis’ childhood and our adventurous family, please, read my book. Here is a link:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

How Do the Blind See a Tree?

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Most people can look up and see a tree.  To a child who is blind or visually impaired, their concept of a tree is the bark they can feel. Their concept of a tree is that it is” rough”.  If they have some vision, they can tell that a tree is brown at its trunk, but “a blob of green” above the trunk.  They could grow up and their whole lives not know what a tree “looks” like.  Expanding such basic knowledge of their world is called expanding the core curriculum. It consists of concepts that are not taught in school, but are still important lessons for that child to learn in order to grow up as an educated adult who is blind.

One topic covered by the nine students, ages six through thirteen, at an April vacation program, was the concept of trees and their differences.  During a nature walk, students found that some trees were so small they could fit their hand around the trunk.  Some trees were so large that it took all nine students holding hands to encircle the trunk. Some trunks were very rough, with deep groves, and some were smooth, with little lines barely traceable by their little fingers.

They learned that evergreen trees stay green all year, and they giggled as they carefully touched the sharp needles. They never knew that trees could be so prickly!  Under the tree, they found the pinecones from which a new tree may grow.

They learned that oak trees, in the spring, have no leaves.  They closely examined the branches of an oak with a few dead leaves still attached, carefully feeling them and making the connection with the leaves they see on the ground in the autumn. Acorns which were still attached to the tree branch were felt with much enthusiasm.  They had collected acorns from the ground underneath the tree, but to actually see it attached seemed to be a surprise. They felt the new buds on the ends of the small branches, buds which would soon bloom into leaves.

Students learned about flowering trees, in full bloom during their springtime visit.  Most students were amazed that a tree could have flowers.  In their minds, trees and flowers were two entirely different things.  But there they were; pink blossoms on the end of a cherry blossom tree branch, gentle, sweet smelling little flowers.

As they were feeling and looking at the trees up close, students were in awe.  So many different types of trees!  And they would not describe a single one of them as “rough” because they were finally able to look beyond the bark.

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(I apologize, it has been a busy summer and this is a repost from 2 years ago.) For more stories about children who are blind, please, read my book. Here is a link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11 The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

“That’ll be $20 a Mile, M’am”

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While driving on the highway last weekend, on our way to our little cabin in New Hampshire, the alternator “went” on our van. I didn’t even know what an alternator WAS, so it is a good thing that good ole hubby was driving. He noticed the problem while we were on the highway, and the amazing GPS on my phone led us right to a Sears Automotive where, pulling into the parking lot, the car stopped working. (My life is just SOOOO filled with luck…we could have broken down on the highway which would have been much more problematic!) The time was 6:45 pm, too late to have them fix it, but enough time to talk to a mechanic who promised to fix it first thing in the morning. He recommended we stay at a nearby hotel for the night and he graciously called a taxi for us.

My husband and I are not world travelers. I can count on one finger the number of times I’ve ridden in a taxi, and my husband never has. We enjoyed the sweet smelling cleanliness of the car, and were treated to tour of the city on the way to the hotel. It sure did look pretty with sparkling with city lights. The driver told us they had a one price policy, $10 for anywhere we wanted to go in the city, and our hotel was within the limits. What luck! When we got to the hotel, my inexperienced husband graciously handed the driver $12 while he shook his hand and thanked him for the smooth, scenic ride to the hotel.

Hubby and I checked in to the hotel and had a wonderful evening in a much more elegant setting than that of our tiny cabin in NH. (Electricity!! Cable tv!! Hot showers!!) The next morning, we feasted on at the wonderful breakfast in the hotel. We could make our own WAFFLES!! And I could eat more than ONE!! Joy, joy!!

Gathering up our things, we sauntered, (as experienced travelers,) into another taxi for the return trip. On the ride back, the taxi turned left on the main avenue, then took another quick left and we were there. The mileage on the meter read .5 miles and the cost was $3.95!! Our hotel was only a half mile from Sears! ($20 a mile per the evening ride there!) I realized that the scenic tour of the city, and giving us the “special” low price of $10, was a “con”. I suddenly felt “worldly”! What an adventure! And what great fodder for my blog!

Buy Me Something That Tickles Me

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Lately, some of the things that I say reflect things my mom said decades ago. I met a woman the other day who was cheerful and bouncy, with a large white flower in her bright, red hair and a wide smile. I immediately told my son that she looked like a hot ticket. He looked at me like I was crazy. “She’s a WHAT?” he asked.

And so it is with the items on my Christmas list that I gave my teenage and young adult children, most of whom are economically disadvantaged, (ie poor, broke, don’t have a pot to piss in). I asked them to get me something that tickles me. For those unfamiliar with this description, what I am asking them to buy me is something that makes me giggle inside. “Ahhhhh”, you think, “There can’t be too many items that do so that are inexpensive and suitable to give as a Christmas gift.” But you would be wrong.

Things that tickle me:
**Socks with far out designs. (I work with young children, usually on the floor with my shoes off. While my dress has to be “casual business”, my feet can be free and easy.)

**Jelly Bellies, especially popcorn and licorice flavors. (I would be on cloud 9 eating them, one by one, savoring the flavor.)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it would be so awesome if one of my children would buy me a body wash from Bath and Body works, for my nightly bubble baths. (Sweet Pea is my favorite scent!)

I would be made in the shade if I were gifted with a nice, strong pen, preferably with purple or green ink.

A new mug with a sentimental slaying would be fab. (I LOVE to drink my tea.)

A gnarly new wallet would be welcomed, (one with extra room for pictures of all my kiddos!)

Bubble gum flavored lip gloss, with a hint of pink coloring, would help me look like a fox. (even if only around my mouth area…for the first five minutes…before I lick it off…,)

So, you can see, I would be tickled by a variety of inexpensive items that my kiddos could buy me for Christmas. In fact, anything that they buy for me with love will be copasetic. It would bum me out if they spent a lot of money on me, because it really IS the thought that counts!

As I crash on Christmas eve and go to sleep, I know opening my presents on Christmas morn will be a gas, yet won’t cost my children an arm and a leg.

Here’s to hoping your children get to keep their appendages also!

If the Washing Machine Eats the Socks, What Eats the Silver Ware?

We all know the adage that the washing machine eats socks, which is why they never come out in pairs.  I long ago gave up trying to match them, just buying plain black socks for the boys and hoping they kind of match.  Marie gets to feel in fashion because all of her socks are multi-colored with frogs, kisses, stripes and cats.  If she can get one stripe from one sock to match the color on the cat, then she has found a fashionable match!

My concern is our silverware.  When we first had kids, we started out with a full Faber ware set.  As we saw pieces disappear one by one, we had to replace the set several times.  (We now have 72 knives and six spoons left.)  We do not know where the silverware goes.  As far as we are concerned, we eat with it, put it  in the sink, in the dishwasher to be washed and then back in the silverware drawer.  It is not rocket science.  It IS, however, way too complicated of a system to work in our house.  For some reason, our silverware disappears!  One would assume that the washing machine/sock theory would work for the dishwasher and disappearing silverware, but, alas, that is not the answer.

Theory #1 is that ours is the “HOUSE OF THE DISAPPEARING SILVERWARE”, oooooooooh!  We sometimes stay awake at night imagining the silverware whisking away into thin air with a whoooosh here and a whooosh there, kind of like witchcraft.  (In the interest of full disclosure, my husband is not bothered by this and he sleeps soundly…)  In the morning, half of the forks are gone!

Theory #2 is that, somehow, the children are involved.  Maybe they take a paper plate of left overs to their bedrooms and the silverware gets thrown away with the disposable dish. I shudder to think of this dirty, tragic end to our fine and selfless silverware. They died in the line of duty, never again seeing the light of day…

Whatever the reason, and whatever the consequences we have put upon our children for not taking care of the silverware, it continues to vanish for no apparent reason. Long ago we gave up our concept that the ideal home has good silverware with which to feed our perfect little family. Currently, spoons and forks from the Dollar Store fill our silverware drawer.  The frustration of having to constantly replace good silverware is gone.  With that stress no longer on my shoulders, the result is a cheaper, flimsier fork.  Eating steak, which would potentially bend our new utensils, it out of the question. It doesn’t matter anyway…hamburger is about all we can afford.  We are so lucky that our budget matches our utensil selection!  Our hospitality skills are also hampered by the antics of our kiddos, so we are also lucky that no one in their right mind would come to our house for dinner, thus sampling our pittance silverware.  Isn’t it great how life does have a way of turning out perfectly?  We are so lucky!

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Link to my book

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-apple-tree/id538572206?mt=11

The Apple Tree: Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane

Link to the Readers Digest review of my book:  http://www.rd.com/recommends/what-to-read-after-a-hurricane/

No Electricity?

Is there something wrong with me?  Our electricity went out this morning and my ONLY thought was that I would not be able to use the computer. No heat…fine. No cooking…fine.  Food melts in refrigerator…fine.  But no computer and I’m freaking out!

 

PS. As you can tell, the electricity came back on, I’m a happy camper now…

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